Spectator - Chapter 4: Not their Fault
Is it because I clenched my fist? The pain started surging through my hand. As I felt the eerie and vivid pain, the excitement that had burned all the way to my head subsided.
My pain was more intense than anything else I was feeling.
“No, why are your hands like this? Honey! Where is the medical kit? Find it quickly.”
“Gosh? Wait… … Now is not the time for me to iron your clothes.”
My aunt’s face frowned as she looked at my hand anxiously. She struggles to find medicine to apply in a hurry.
In her appearance, only sadness and compassion can be seen.
There was no pretense in their tumultuous appearance.
-‘….Did I go overboard in judging them?’
I needed to calm down a bit calm down a bit. It’s enough when I’m young to get angry and quickly get into fights quickly get into fights.
“No. It was just cutting some fruit. I’ll go to the bathroom for a while.”
I said so and went into the bathroom. After locking the door, I turned on the water in the sink and wet a towel. Then, I covered my face with a cold, wet cloth cloth to cool off the heat.
My mind began to think properly when my hot, dry eyes cooled off. It seems that I was so excited to see her at the door instead of the devil… that I forgot the circumstances I was trapped in.
‘Let’s stay calm. Let’s be calm.’
Like a spell, I took my breath. And I recalled the conclusions I had made a long time ago.
Are they criminals and hypocrites? Are they the enemy of the Greater Daecheon?
‘Sanghyun didn’t you already know.’
The mature ego calms the young body.
“….It’s not their fault.”
On the day he was drunk and lonely from work, he reflected on his conclusion.
Yes. They weren’t the ancient conspirators that stabbed Julius Caesar. They were plain people like you and I. They were just ordinary parents who wanted to secure the future of their children.
It was too much speculation that they were always looking to take advantage and acting to deceive me with such a scheme.
However, there are only so many circumstances that are undeniable and unavoidable.
As I grew older, I understood what they did was somewhat, if not completely, justified.
Like my past self, who had to work selfishly for my own family.
This is because the reality I experienced outside of school made me mature.
It was my fault.
It was my fault that I didn’t know that money was easier to spend than it was to earn , and that my spending habits were not quite right.
In fact, it is natural for friends and family to gather and talk about their circumstances.
Among them, there are many stories such as ‘How is the game these days?’ ‘Jesu’?’ ‘How is the apartment loan going well?’ ‘My brother-in-law was injured in an accident, but I am sorry.’
There are people who just don’t have the money they need and know their circumstances aren’t easy.
They had their own problematic lives.
But I had a huge amount of money, but I was in a mess. The money was mine but I didn’t earn it.
Therefore, I became a good person and intervened often as a capable person in each such story of misery and grief.
‘My fault was that it wasn’t clear to close and quit, and I showed too much of my weaknesses.’
It was not that they were unconditionally right and that I was unconditionally foolish. It’s just a realization that my shortcomings were too great to blame on them.
There’s no way a pickpocket is going to take a crack at a passing police officer’s wallet.
However, it is common to open the wallet of a drunkard who has passed out under a tree on the sidewalk. The reason is that the other person showed enough openings to do it.
It’s the same reason that they rejected me when I became broke. They chose to turn away from me because they received too much money from me, and because it was hard enough to repay with their ability.
The fact that we were just those kinds of people and had such a bad way of life.
That was all.
Before the regression. I was married and became the head of a household and lived that way.
I understood them. I forgive them.
‘I won’t forget.’
With a sigh, I emptied it all out of my heart.
“???. Are you fine?”
She said while laughing but she still looked worried.
“I’m sorry to shout at you, I was worried.”
“But Inseok, you should apply the medicine. Give me your hand.”
My aunt said so, then applied her ointment and bandaged it.
“Oh, but Auntie. Where are the school uniforms? I will be late.”
“They are here.” My aunt had pressed the clothes roughly.
“Honey, I am still ironing your pants… ”
-“I will be late for school.”
I said to myself before leaving her behind and hurrying to the next room and changed clothes.
I button up a shirt, put on pants, wrap around a tie, and put on the jacket. Then I looked at the tie and laughed. It was fun to have a school uniform after such a long time.
I put a few textbooks in the bag quickly. My hair was short and didn’t even need to be combed.
After all preparations, I bowed my head to my aunt.
-‘To have a good relationship and leave it at that.’
It’s a smart decision to avoid the worst and do the best.
“Thank you for everything you did so far.”
Seriously. I said with an expression and voice that I had never seen before.
“Thank you for taking care of me like this every morning. And I am grateful to you with all my heart but… please do not come from tomorrow.”
If you change your tone, even close friends feel awkward.
She was embarrassed by the changed appearance of me and the outrageous words. I gave them no time to speak. I continued to say what I had to say, without any restraints.
“I thought about it well and want to overcome it myself. In addition, I don’t want to bother others with my responsibilities anymore. This is the conclusion I have made while pondering. I may not sound polite, but I ask you to respect my wishes.”
She was so embarrassed or taken aback by my words that she remained silent for a while.
“But we are family. Coming in the morning is no big deal, so don’t worry.”
“Okay. Anyway, here have some food I made.”
“This is the first decision I have made as an adult.”
I didn’t say anything else. I just stood still.
Silence prevailed for a while.
I heard a coughing and the scratching of a head. The appearance of being unfamiliar was powerful.
After what felt like an hour of silence, she shook her head and said.
“If it’s difficult, come to me anytime.” , she said, holding her bandage, and then hastily put her side dishes in the fridge.
“Be careful with your health, and make sure to eat rice. Understand?”
She said a few more words of concern and then went out.
I saw her off. Then I looked down the hall, saw her entering the apartment elevator and walking in.
‘This is the first step.’
My day was different from the past I once had. And it was the beginning of a new life.
Use the subtle pain as your friend to clear your mind. Now I needed to be more serious about how to fix my life.
What kind of life will be a success? What kind of success do I desire and what kind of happiness do I long for?
-Organize and go for them one by one.
-‘I don’t need many friends.’
Talking a lot makes the soul poor.
In the past, there were a lot of people around me when I was spending money, if only for a short time. However, none of them paid attention to who I was, and none of them were always by my side.
That’s why I sincerely hope for…
-‘Someone who will be by my side at any time.’
Not a friend who can enjoy the good times together, but a real friend who can share sorrow as well. That was enough. In that sense, in my past life, I had no friends or true love. It was a ‘friend’ who died in the capsule who was close to me, but I realized that he was not a true friend.
It is thanks to the reminder of what day 23rd March is.
A real friend.
“Is it possible to find it in this life?”
I can not know. But I could be sure of one thing.
It was the fact that my life now would be wiser than my life before.
Now is the time to go to school to check the truth and see what this means.
I got on the elevator from the 13th floor of the apartment. School doesn’t start until 7:50. I’m leaving now at 7:30. There are only about 20 minutes left, but there is no worry of making it to school on time.
This is because it is located only 200m from the apartment complex, so I won’t be late.
I stood at the crossroads and waited for the light to turn green. The sidewalk was filled with students coming from the entrance of the apartment and the street.
Some students were buying bread and drinks at a convenience store, and others were in a hurry to attach a name tag to their assignments as they passed the school gate.
Wearing the same school uniform, but different appearances. Being part of them and walking down the road made me feel strange.
‘Being young sure is nice.’
I laughed at the students in school uniforms. And while looking around, I could see them.
-They will be the meaning of the 23rd.
My best friend. No, it was Taejin, who I was mistaken about being close friends with.
Hyunhwa, his younger sister.
She was not difficult to find. That’s because she was proud of her outstanding beauty.
One could say that she is really a flower among flowers?
Kim Hyeon-Hwa, a beautiful girl, turns her head unconsciously and draws so much attention you need to do a double-take, maybe even a triple. It looks like her ordinary school uniform is a custom tailored suit.
It feels like a high school in England, not a high school in Seoul.
While the hair of other girls couldn’t cross her shoulder line, she fluttered her hair to show off its attractiveness.
She is currently an attractive student; she is a trainee for a large entertainment agency, a cover model for a famous magazine, and has many fans among the students.
‘My friend’s proud beautiful sister.’
She uploaded her videos taken in karaoke with her friends in middle school, she quickly became an Internet star, and she appeared on TV shows. She shows off her amazing guitar skills and her cute charm, and she is a hot topic.
She said, ‘I have to graduate high school. Although I am attending such a prestigious school thanks to my parents’ Her parents made it clear that she cannot abandon her precious school days, Hyeonhwa was an idol and a star model.
-“The main character of the 23rd.”