Spectator - Chapter 2: Let's admit it
I looked at the calendar again.
I got up in a hurry and ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
When I turned on the light, my eyes were blinded by the sudden white flash, but I forced my eyes open and stared at the mirror.
In the mirror, a young man with a short haircut was frowning.
I swallowed something; despite not chewing anything.
Immediately I turned on the cold water tap, filling the sink, and splashing my face with the icy-cold water. I shook my head from side to side vigorously to the point where I got dizzy and my head started to hurt.
A young man with a bizarre expression was seen again in his wide open eyes, trying to overcome the confusion.
The face was a different one yet felt surprisingly familiar.
-..It’s the me of the past!
“Am I crazy?”
It’s just ridiculous. But how can it feel so real?
Deja vu? Foreknowledge? Lucid dream?
‘What the hell is it?’
I could not help but laugh at the impossible circumstances. Then it finally hit me, the journal of my friend who committed suicide.
-[I’m going. Now go. I’ll start all over again.]
“Haha… … Nonsense… … .”
Dumbly, the young man in the mirror shouted.
But the shock and worries last only a few moments. After pinching a few times and looking at myself again, the fact that this is “reality” began to sink in.
This is because all sensations are too shiveringly accurate for a dream.
‘Is it real? Really?’
Going back in time. Back to the past.
It would be better if I had a terribly realistic dream. When I wake up, I remember at first glance, but in less than 30 minutes, I dream of becoming an adult.
But does it matter whether it is a dream or reality? My reality was already the worst.
If this is a dream, I want to enjoy it for a while, if it is reality…hehe… not too bad either.
“It must be a really good thing.”
With a giggling smile, I decided to continue this delusion. I experienced my future and returned remembering it all. If so, how could my life be different now?
Not only will your test scores increase, but you will also be able to earn money by investing in lotteries, real estate, and stocks.
When I was a student, it was normal, but after 10 years, I could really favor a friend who is really successful or a girlfriend who becomes beautiful.
In short, it is,
-‘I’ll be able to live nicely’.
‘In addition, you can use the future you know to succeed and live happily with your family… … Ah!’
That’s when the calendar came to my mind.
-’Family! Yes, my family.’
-’The day I lost my parents. The day when I was alone.’
Hastily I traced up the calendar.
That day was March 9. And today-
At that moment, the delusion that I was enjoying till then crumbled down.
The past I so desperately wanted to change was the 9th of March. But today,
I collapsed; losing all my strength. Resentment and Hate filled inside mr for the one who orchestrated this dream.
‘It would have been nice if I had returned a little sooner.’
There was only one thing I really wanted to change. That was my parents’ accident. I wanted to change it.
But I couldn’t. No chance, even this delusion did not allow it. It happened earlier,my parents had already died in an accident.
“It took just 15 days… … .”
If my parents were alive… what if I could..? As time passed, I realized it, and started regretting; for not understanding the love they had for me.
But the point in time when this ridiculous thing happened; made me feel like everything was out of sync.
I spent time blankly staring off into space. But even though my senses were on their edge, I couldn’t wake up from my dream.
I can still see the house of the past and the me of the past.
I’m still not sure if I’m crazy or not. But I decided to accept the reality as it presents itself to me.
‘The 39-year-old loser Lee Sang-hyun is gone.’
My failed life. I will know soon whether or not these memories hold true. So, it’s okay to go and test them.
The thing that is most important to me right now is…
-Identify the cause.
I had to know why I had this dream, or why I experienced the future.
I thought about the memories.
‘Although the whole world may be a virtual game space, such as God’s prank, my memories were manipulated like in a science fiction movie.’
Even if I know these parts, I can’t really understand them. So, it would be best to find it in a category I can recognize.
Why did I suddenly return to the past? Or, do I know the future?
What is the reason or trigger?
I decided to limit myself to the clues I had faced and experienced.
-‘Taejin who committed suicide. The guy’s diary. The devil’s sentence.’
Really, a ridiculous hypothesis that resembles a child’s fairy tale seemed the most likely..
That is, ‘Taejin and the devil in the game. He signed a contract with the devil and returned to the past in order to succeed in the game.’
That’s a funny idea. But there was no other possibility I could handle or understand other than this ridiculous reasoning. Paradoxically, those childish prayers were finally fulfilled. Is this sophistry that it is this reality.
‘… … Give up a hundred times and think of this as real.’
What options will come up if I accepted this reality as it is?
I continued to think. How will life unfold for me now that I have returned?
‘I’m lucky to have been accompanied by a side branch, so let’s use our knowledge to succeed this time.’
Although it was lofty, it was a reasonable judgment.
I am an adult who knows the meaning of giving up rather than challenging. It is a snob who knows how to compromise, puts profits over shame, and reality over dreams and romances.
Today is more important than tomorrow., I was an ordinary man who thought more about my body’s hunger for a meal and monthly electric bills; than worrying about people from distant countries dying of starvation.
So this time,I will try to succeed and live well.
This was the first.
‘Search for the entity that contracted with Taejin. `Let’s sign a renewal` and make a wish.’
Ask him to return to the past for only 15 more days. Anyway, since a ridiculous situation has occurred, I am looking forward to the miracle a little more. Wouldn’t it really be a gold prize if I succeeded in the past AND regained my lost family?
Thanks to reading Taejin’s journal, I knew the details of the contract quite well and the meaning of it. If you simply abbreviate the 32 clauses in your journal,
(1) Absolute secrecy.
(2) Never get Frustrated and never give up.
(3) Three masters of the castle must be killed within 3 months.
(4) Win victory from the adversary.
-If this is violated, both the body and the soul will be robbed and become a slave forever.
The latter was a little uncomfortable and I didn’t completely understand it, but I hope it would be solved if we were to meet and talk. Moreover, the method of calling the devil was not complicated.
You just need to draw the devil’s sentence with blood and pray earnestly.
“Let’s do it.”
I made a decision.
I ran to the kitchen and picked up a knife and cut my palm. Blood poured out deeply. I copied the pattern that my friend drew, while suppressing the eerie pain. I wanted to draw what I thought was a devil’s tattoo.
“… … What was it?”
It was weird. Nothing came to my mind. It was a pattern that he drew countless times, so I could follow it with my eyes closed. Moreover, the pattern was not complicated either. It’s just a few very simple shapes.
But I could not draw it. It doesn’t come to mind at all. I know it’s so simple, but I couldn’t think of it.
Only blood flows on the floor.
It’s literally a pain that was eating me from the inside. I grabbed my hand and raised it above my heart.
“It really… … hurts.”
I bowed my head to the rushing emptiness.
Filling the bathtub with cold water, I breathed deeply, and soaked myself in it.
The chill that had penetrated my skin filled my mind with one word.
It was really cold. It was icy and cold. My teeth clashed and my body rattled. I held my breath before finally letting out a mad man’s laugh. Maybe I was losing my mind?
Even if I think about it again, it is because I looked like a psychopath.
-‘What do you do right after you wake up?’
It was too early to soak in cold water.
But I kept holding on. With a desire to wake up if it is a dream. In order to be aware and immerse properly in reality.
‘Even though it’s like a beggar’s life, it’s still my life.’
It was a failed life at the age of 39, but it was still me.
Now, to completely deny it and just live is no different from being drunk and dying in hallucinations. There’s nothing worse than being manipulated and made into a joke by someone.
I wanted to know the truth rather than false happiness.
I put my head in the bathtub.
The pain in the palms decreased as my body trembled. By the time my writhing sensation became dull, my complicated head calmed down.
‘I still won’t wake up like this, right?’
It has never been so cold in my life. Not only that, but my future as I know it came to mind so clearly.
It is not a dream that will disappear after being shriveled, but as a sure experience.
‘Let’s admit it.’
I am shivering in the cold water. This was the truth.
I lifted my head and took a quick breath.
My head was tight.
What should I do now? What can I do? Shall we find the root of everything?
‘Shall I go to Taejin and tell him to call the devil and tell him to go backwards for another 15 days?’
It would be really good if I could. It will be a clean, new life.
However, Taejin’s diary was filled with thoughts.
In the most recent entries in the journal, there were stories that he had experienced while playing the game, that he fell in love with the NPC in the game, and that he met a demon who wanted to mortgage his soul.
‘Let’s think about it.’
I frowned at this mess and carefully thought about it. These 32 clauses essentially tell you to work hard, and not to disclose or betray secrets.
-If you violate, you become a slave, so obey.
This is the key. It’s a devil’s contract…that’s so out of date.
The devil is ‘Gap’ and Taejin is ‘Eul’. In addition, I returned to Taejin’s side. Therefore, it can be inferred that the restrictions imposed on Taejin are also imposed on me.
-In case of breach of contract, body and soul are robbed.
I didn’t realize what it meant. However, it was clear that if I approached it quickly, I too could become a slave to the devil.
‘Whether it was a secret leak or for other reasons, someone like me could die in one shot.’
So I had to hide it. I also had to hide the fact that I had returned.
Even the opportunity I grabbed now can fly away.
-‘To write this important information in a diary.’
I sighed because of Taejin’s carelessness.